Saturday, May 02, 2009

I Get So Clumsy

I was listening to an old favorite CD today and stumbled upon this song and just had to laugh. In so many ways, it sums up what the Lord has been teaching me lately.

Clumsy
by:
Chris Rice

You think I'd have it down by now
Been practicin' for thirty years
I should have walked a thousand miles
So what am I still doin' here
Reachin' out for that same old piece of forbidden fruit
I slip and fall and aI knock my halo loose
Somebody tell me what's a boy supposed to do?

I get so clumsy
I get so foolish
I get so stupid
And then I feel so useless
But You're sayin' You love me
And You're still gonna hold me
And that You wanna be near me
'Cause You're makin' me holy
You're still makin' me holy

I'm gonna get it right this time
I'll be strong and I'll make You proud
I've prayed that prayer a thousand times
But the rooster crows and my tears roll down
Then You remind me You made me from the dust
And I can never, no never, be good enough
And that You're not gonna let that come between us

From where I stand Your holiness is up so high I can barely reach it
My only hope is to fall on Jesus

I get so clumsy
I get so foolish
I get so stupid
And then I feel so useless
But You're sayin' You love me
And You're still gonna hold me
And that You wanna be near me
'Cause You're makin' me holy
You're still makin' me holy



I really haven't had time to process fully all of the things God is doing and teaching me right now. I have so many blogs I need to write. But, while this was fresh in my mind, I wanted to share it.

For those of you who know me, you know that I struggle with perfectionism and I'm really hard on myself when I mess up. It's actually been crippling at times. What some of you may not know is that I have been a very fearful person. There have been times that fear has kept me from moving forward or trying something new. I worry about everything and it can be exhausting.

But, in the last few weeks, I've seen that spirit of fear and worry completely removed from my life. It's been a long journey for me, but I believe that the hold it had over me is finally broken and I'm gaining the freedom to move on to what is next. Some things have worked their way into my heart that had before only been in my head. My fear and worry was rooted in a false idea that maybe God wasn't going to come through for me. I felt like I had to be good enough to deserve His love (which according to scripture is NOT possible).

It took me a long time to realize that those false ideas had taken root in my heart. I know the scriptures and I know my Savior. But, somehow, I still didn't fully trust. In the last several weeks, God has shown Himself to me in new ways and the knowledge of my head has truly taken up residence in my heart and I am free!

It's true. Sometimes, I get so clumsy, but God still loves me and uses me. I'm just continuing to chase after Him so that I can love like Jesus and be obedient to His call. What journey it's been. What a journey is ahead!

I'll share more later. :-)

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Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the SPirt of life set me fre from the law of sin and death. - Romans 8:1-2